PHOTO: Mary van Balen
Sometimes the simplest of chores become prayer. It’s about paying attention and being present to the moment. That’s what wisdom teachers have always said whether they were early Christian monks living in the Egyptian desert or a contemporary Buddhist monk like Thich Nhat Hanh; a Sufi poet like Rumi or a modern poet like Mary Oliver. Jesus told us the kingdom of God is within, is now. This moment. I guess I just didn’t think that applied to moving bookcases around in my apartment.
But here I am (and have been for weeks), sitting with boxes and piles of books. And, as it turns out, with God. I switched my bedroom and office, giving the office more space and a guest bed. Kind, young (read strong and enthusiastic) neighbors helped with moving furniture, but I alone could put the mess back together.
I love books. Getting rid of any one of them is a major decision, even ones barely read or languishing on a bottom shelf, out of sight. You never know when it will emerge as just the one you need. That’s what I usually tell myself.
But I’ve been determined not to put all those books back. It’s time for a sorting, and not just the books. Choosing which to keep and which to share with others presented an opportunity to reflect on where I’ve been, where I am, and how open I am to what lies ahead.
A writer and lifelong student, books provide a map of my journey starting with high school and wending its way through the twists and turns of a life. The collection is eclectic to say the least with a book on the rituals of the Lakota sacred pipe sharing shelf space with Madeleine L’Engle, Biblical commentaries, and The Nature of Cape Cod.
The process has been an examen.
Which books have helped me encounter the Holy One, to be more present to the moment? Which ones bring deep joy or help me engage with the world and my journey? Which ones contain knowledge and wisdom that inform my writing? Which ones open windows on the world that give me a fresh perspective so compelling that I return again and again for the view? These are the books I want close at hand.
And which books have done their work by laying a foundation, getting me through grad school, providing diversion, or nourishing me in a place I no longer inhabit? These books can go.
Answering the questions requires thought and prayer. It calls for discernment and, eventually, willingness to let go. Not just of books, but of paths not taken. Of hurts. Of the illusion that every path needs tried, or that broad and shallow is better than narrow and deep.
So far I’ve separated myself from three large bags of books. A couple boxes remain, but they are filled with as much paper and small items as with books. This particular prayer is drawing to a close.
I’ve heard people talk about downsizing to a smaller house or seriously simplifying their living space. It wasn’t easy but resulted in a sense of freedom. I’m feeling that. My newly organized office provides ready space to sketch and paint and explore the prayerfulness of art. Before, the chore of clearing a space squelched the activity before it began.
Surprisingly, I find looking at shelves that aren’t solidly packed with books is restful. I appreciate the visual space. And creating space on the shelves creates space within giving the Divine room to stretch and move. Without so much clutter, perhaps I’ll be better able to feel the stirrings.
All those wisdom teachers were right, and Jesus wasn’t kidding: God is with us now, in the moment whatever and wherever it is. Being present to it with some soul-space, we can discover Grace already there.
©2019 Mary van Balen
Published in similar form in The Catholic Times 2.10.19
Mary, you are always insightful and inspiring.
Thank you, Lisa. I’m glad you found it interesting. I look forward to future conversations.
Hi once again my lifelong friend:
I very much relate to the feelings associated with sorting and paring down books. Unlike anyting else, except perhaps photos, books also conjure for me phases of my life. The joyful part for me in giving away books that moved me forward in some way, academically or as inspiration, is that in the act of giving the book away to our Goodwill bookstore or local library I feel I am making it possible for the books to positively impact another. The contents have been released to the universe rather than held captive on my shelf or in a box. It is freeing for that reason and because I dislike clutter. Done and Done! On another note…I see a pair of glasses on your shelf. I have my artist grandfather’s glasses on my bookshelf in the leather glasses case he made in his leather shop. When I hold the case to my nose I can still faintly smell the sweet cherry tobacco he smoked in his pipe. I suspect those glasses on your shelf belonged to someone special to you.
Hi Nancy, I love the image of releasing al that inspiration and positive energy into the universe rather than keeping it captive on our shelves! The glasses are mine! Sitting on top of my journal. I can’t write without them!
Mary
I have cleaned by bookcase so many times and felt good about sharing with others the books that brought so much joy to me. My problem is , I love books so much, that in no time at all my shelves are filled and cluttered once more. I pick up a book , a friend gives me a book, my sisters share a must read, and here I go. My bookshelf is over flowing once more. Let me know how long you can keep yours organized.
I’m glad you enjoyed the column Cindy. I know what you mean. One day after taking some books to Half Price Books I was thinking of going there to buy one back! And in the past week I’ve seen other books I’m tempted to buy. I’ll keep you posted.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.